Inside day

Yesterday was a gray, foggy, drizzly, inside kind of day. We did not leave the house, which made for some antsy boys. However, Austin can be very creative when he wants to be and fortunately he chose to have fun and not complain.

First item of business was...Austin wanted to be an angel. The angel at the empty tomb. So we assembled some wings (I know wings are theologically questionable, but...) and made a tomb. I was instructed to be the woman who comes to look for Jesus and the "angel" told me he wasn't there after moving (more like blasting) the "rock" out of the door. Then he wanted to be Jesus. So the wings became the linen cloth and I wrapped him up. He laid on the floor, then stood up and busted out of the tomb. You can tell we have been doing our "resurrection eggs"- a great tool for talking about Easter and the different events of the week.

Here is "Jesus" walking out of the tomb.

Then he needed some higher activity, so he made a huge pile of couch cushions and kept jumping off the trunk and onto the pile of pillows. Over and over. He said he was Jesus ("but I'm not really Jesus, Mommy, I'm just pretending") jumping into the water. Bennett tried to join in the fun, but he just "jumped" into my arms.

Here he is flying through the air onto the cushion stack. It is amazing how many times in a row he can do this without getting tired of it.

Bennett wants to do whatever Gege (older brother) is doing.

Chris and Austin also had some indoor baseball fun. I am not sure it is a great idea to establish a precedent of ball playing in the house...however, it was great for a rainy day and Austin cannot do too much damage...yet. He actually hit a few pitches with the bat, but mostly missed. However, he was always the optimist and after every missed hit, would say "Almost, almost got it" and happily throw the ball back to Chris.

On the other side of HOPE

Austin watering plants with Bop...one of their favorite activities.

Where to even begin? My family and I have been on a roller coaster, but thankfully we are leveling out with good news today. On Saturday, my dad began having numbness in his legs and by the afternoon was having trouble walking. He and my mom made a trip to the ER. We were all shocked that an MRI showed what they thought were 5 tumors on his spine- with one very large one. Initial "guesses" said it must be cancer that has spread from somewhere else in his body. I felt shocked, sad and helpless on this side of the world. Imagining the worst and making a packing list in my head. I made lots and lots of phone calls to the US at all times of the day and night. More tests were done and no other signs of cancer were found in his body. Well, that was the first bit of good news.

Doctors consulted and they decided to do surgery Monday afternoon. They hoped to remove the big tumor and do a biopsy from there to figure out what this was. Sunday night to Monday night was a LONG 24 hours. I told Chris Monday evening our time (Monday morning there) "I feel like we are still on this side of Hope...anything is possible, but everything is still possible". Sleep was hard to come by Monday night for me...while Dad was in surgery. I called at 11:30 pm, called at 5 am...still no news. In some ways it was nice to have some sleep during the waiting time, while my family fidgeted in a hospital waiting room. In other ways, I hated not being there with everyone.

Finally, the results came. The surgeon said the tumor "just slid off" of the spine. Great news #1! They are also cautiously optimistic that the tumor is benign. They cannot give compete assurance until the pathology report comes back in a few days, but they feel pretty confidant. WOW! I feel like every prayer was answered so specifically...that the tumor would be easy to remove with no nerve damage, that it would be benign! The other tumors may not be tumors at all, though there is still research to do. I am still shocked and overwhelmed with thanksgiving to our Healer God.

So now we sit on the other side of hope. We know the outcome and it is very good. There are still unknowns and plenty to pray for. Do join us in praying for the tumor to indeed be benign, for healing and stamina for long days ahead of recovery, for patience and love for all of us.

But as I have been musing on the reality of this, I am reminded that we do already stand on the other side of hope, this side of the cross and empty tomb. I am looking forward to Easter this Sunday. We do know the outcome and it is very good, though there are still plenty of unknowns. I recently started reading Alcorn's book "Heaven", at several friends' recommendation. It has been a good reminder of all the joy and creative living we look forward to doing on the New Earth.

But today, while the big picture comes more into focus, I am also VERY grateful for the details of this day- for health and hope for my Dad. I love you Dad!

Austin is looking forward to going fishing with Bop this summer, like he did last year at this very spot.

Chris is home

Chris is safely home again! We are all glad to see him. He got home around 9 am yesterday. We are enjoying time together...Chris and Austin just got back from the pool. Sadly, he has one more short trip so he leaves Sunday night but will be home Wednesday night. But we are thankful for the time we have!

Painting and eating

Painting and eating...that is what Bennett has been up to today. Two separate activities, right? Well, yes and no. Today Austin wanted to do finger paint to make a welcome home picture for Daddy (about 36 hours to go!). I decided it was time to let Bennett have a go at some artwork. This was his first experience in art, unless you count the top of a green crayon he ate about a month ago.

Looks like a natural, huh?

Such hard work, but I think it looks better on my face.

This picture didn't turn out as well as I had hoped, but if you look closely, you can see paint on his forehead, ears and all around his mouth. Yes, he kept licking his fingers after every swirl on the page. Thank goodness Crayola products are non-toxic.

Austin hard at work. I actually painted the "D" in the middle- as much as Austin likes letters in books, he has no interest in handwriting of any kind.

So back to the eating. I thought Bennett was growing out of the "eat anything that looks interesting" phase, until we had the sand issue in Guam. Then, in the past couple of days I have found him eating ground pieces of tile that chipped off our floor, a cracker he found on the playground, a leaf and today- a cigarette butt he found on the ground at the park! Yuck. (well, I got the butt out before he consumed it but it did go in his mouth) Both boys started with runny noses today...maybe that is why. Otherwise, we are all excited for Chris to get home Thursday morning!

"I want those pants"

This week has not felt particularly "blogworthy" or maybe I am just having "blog block" again. The boys and I are doing fine, apart from my back. I apparently pulled something Wednesday or Thursday and have had a lot of trouble lifting or bending down. Something I do, oh, about 100 times a day at least. I have learned how to get down to the floor by keeping my back straight and have been trying to get Austin to hand me things from the floor a lot of times. I have also just had to let go of getting all the toys up off the floor at night ...sometimes I just leave them there, because it just requires too much bending. It is not awful and ibuprofen helps, but definitely not what I would choose to have happen when Chris is gone. Thankfully he will be back Thursday morning- we have just 3 links left on the paper chain.

Austin is in a phase where he likes to dress himself and often pick out his own clothes. Some days I still just pick the outfit and he gets dressed without comment, but often now he has opinions about which pants or shirt or underwear he wants to wear. He definitely has some interesting combinations but I am so glad he is finally willing to dress himself (with the exceptions of shirts - he still has trouble with those) that it doesn't matter to me that much.

Also, please pray for my dad, who will have his gallbladder removed Monday morning at 8 am! He has had a month of bad back and stomach pain, so I hope this takes care of all that.

The chicken dance

Bennett learned "the chicken dance" when we were in Guam. It is not so much a dance as just imitating a chicken flapping his wings. But there is an Alison Krauss song called "Cluck Old Hen"- a very bluegrassy tune- that Chris used to always imagine an old Chinese friend of ours performing a chicken dance to. Weird, you may think. It is kind of weird, but if you knew this guy like I do, it is a really funny picture. Anyway, now that Bennett does the chicken, we have sort of transferred the song and dance to him.

So I realized I haven't posted any video in a long time. So here is Bennett flapping his wings- not the to actual song, but from a clip we took in Guam.



Bennett is quickly becoming a rather willful toddler. He has started screaming very loudly if he doesn't get what he wants right away (things like being held up to switch the lights on and off, wearing shoes in the house and wanting to eat at any and all times during the day)- though he also quickly forgets what he was upset about and moves on. He is definitely NOT like his melancholy brother who never forgets anything and often stews about it for a long time.

He has discovered the slide in the past few days, as we have been going outside more. Even though there is plenty of snow still on the ground, it was a little warmer the past 2 days.
Bennett LOVES the slide and has learned how to climb up and go down by himself. The problem is that he is so enthusiastic he just sort of hurls himself down the slide, often just standing and leaning forward and down on his knees- which often means he just tumbles down. Today he finally "got it"- that sitting on your bottom first makes it much easier (or sliding on your tummy). It is funny to observe how different he and Austin are. I think Austin slid on his stomach for months before trying to sit. And even then it took him awhile to be stable. In a matter of 2 days, Bennett has become an expert slider and even lands on his feet and stands right up as he finishes. He seems to have no fear - yet anyway. I think fear is often a maturing a bit at his age. But he also seems more fearless than his cautious brother. Another funny thing about Bennett is that he does not like eggs or bananas...two foods I refused to eat as a child. So funny- can tastes be hereditary?

I finally talked to Chris and he is doing well. He hasn't been able to SKYPE or talk to the boys yet...the time difference is a little hard to coordinate and he doesn't have good internet access. But absence is definitely making the heart grow fonder for all of us I think...Austin even admitted to missing Daddy yesterday and today.

Visitors

This past week we have had the privilege of seeing three different friends from the U.S. who are passing through. The first was my great friend and mentor from college, Beth. We got to have dinner with her as she passed through on her way back to the States. She had never met the boys, but they became fast friends. She brought some fun presents (like glow in the dark stickers, those little gel capsules that dissolve in water into a shape and other things) and Austin wanted her to spend the night.

Austin refused to pose, but Bennett didn't mind. Has it really been 10 years since I graduated from college?

It was great to catch up (the last time I saw her was the weekend I found out I was pregnant with Austin) and hang out for a bit. The next day we also saw two different friends who both lived in this city with us but now have moved back. I like living in a city where many people pass through on their way in or out...it is a nice way to get to connect.

In other news...Sunday (yesterday, March 14) it SNOWED AGAIN! I mean, it snowed all day, big, huge flakes pouring down. I taught Sunday School, so i had to go to church. Fortunately we found a cab right away (I prayed for it!) and caught a ride with neighbors home, but it was such a a mess out. Today was sunny and some melted, but the ground is still covered. I cannot believe it. Chris left Saturday and we definitely miss him, but are doing ok. We made paper chain #2 to countdown till he returns (13 days this time!).

Happy Birthday to me

Thank you to everyone who wished me well on my birthday. Having Chris back was definitely a wonderful present! I celebrated over 2 days. My actual birthday, Chris had to work a bit. But in the evening he took the boys to buy me a present. Austin kept saying he wanted Daddy to take him to a "present shop" to buy my present (well, actually first he wanted me to take him to the present shop, but I said maybe it was better for Daddy to do it).

Then we met at our new mall's Pizza Hut for dinner. Pizza Hut was fun...maybe not my first choice for an ideal birthday dinner, but it was walkable from our house and everyone in the family likes pizza. As soon as Chris and the boys walked in, Austin marched right up to me and handed me the present he picked for me...

A blue pen! A really nice one. He was so excited to give it to me and kept asking if I would still have it when he turns four. It was really cute. Earlier he asked me what he should get me and I suggested flowers. He said "No, Mommy you don't want flowers! I think I should get you a cello." I had no idea what they would actually come up with.

Here I am with Bennett at Pizza Hut. He was hungry and getting impatient and it took awhile for our food to come. Chris walked around with him awhile and Bennett came back with a piece of garlic bread. Chris decided that is the best way for Bennett to find food- let him walk around and make friends with all the people in the restaurant...and people here LOVE to give food to kids. Don't worry, I don't encourage my kids to always take food from strangers. BUT it is really different here- people love kids(especially little blond ones) and love to shower them with gifts.

Daddy's home!

The boys kept climbing all over Chris...they couldn't stop. We were all so glad to have him back.

Austin was reading his paper chain links to Chris...telling him the things he likes about Daddy (I like to go to the donut shop with Daddy, I like Daddy's funny voices, I like to go to Daddy's concerts etc).

Austin was not happy about me taking his picture, but he was happy to read books with Daddy.

Yeah!

In like a Lion?

Remind me again, what is today's date? Because it sure doesn't seem to match this picture:

This was the scene that greeted us, today, March 8! Big, fluffly flakes came down all morning. It would have been perfect in December.

Catching March snowflakes on his tongue. They are not nearly as good as (Peanuts' )Lucy's January flakes.

Happy for a moment or two.

Austin loves the snow and has a good time in it. He gets cold eventually, but he likes it. Bennett on the other hand...well, see for yourself. He falls down a lot, hates getting any cold snow on him and doesn't like all the layers he has to wear. We managed to stay out almost 30 minutes before we all decided it was too cold and wet.

Austin giving kisses to Bennett before we headed out. They have been playing together more lately and it has been fun to watch.

The other news from here is that Chris gets home tomorrow night! We are all so excited. Austin has even admitted to missing Daddy a few times lately.

Privacy and projection

I am really proud of Austin. In the past couple of weeks, he has suddenly started doing a lot of things on his own...things I have been trying to get him to do for months (because I know he is capable) but that he has continued to want me to do for him. For example, this morning Austin took off his pajamas and wet diaper and put on clean underwear himself, all before I even got out of bed. He also wants to go the bathroom by himself now. It is such a strange, sudden change. He has refused to go by himself, even pulling his pants up and down for so long. Now, he wants PRIVACY. He says "mommy, don't come in. I need privacy." He will shut the door, pull pants up and down, do his business and (sometimes) wash his hands. Well, at least for #1. The good news, he is actually doing #2 in the potty now pretty consistently too. He will now take his shoes and jacket off with no complaining (really, even though he is 3 he used to ALWAYS fuss and want me to take his shoes and jacket off) when we come inside. It is so nice!

I think Bennett will probably do these things much earlier than Austin did. He is the second, so he already sees Austin doing these things and he is such a different personality. If I ask Bennett if he wants to go outside, he will already run to get his shoes or if he sees me with his socks or shoes he will sit down by the door and put his feet up. He also loves the bath and brushing his teeth and if i say "bath" or "teeth" he takes off running to the bathroom saying "bath, bath" or "teeth, teeth". He is at such a cute stage.

Back to Austin. The other thing he is doing that is a little unsettling to me but probably very normal is projecting his feelings on others. He WILL NOT admit if he is hurt, sad, scared or most negative emotions. So like I mentioned he won't admit he misses Chris but he often says "Mommy, Bennett misses Daddy". Today he said "what does it mean to miss?" and i said it means to wish they were here and be excited when they will come back and you can be sad but you can be happy and still miss someone. "I don't miss Daddy" was the response. So I said "Do you wish Daddy was here?" Austin "Yes" "Are you excited for him to come home?" Austin "Yes" "So you DO miss Daddy" Austin "No, I don't".

Today during rest time there was a sudden VERY loud drilling noise right upstairs. It actually really startled me at first. I expected Austin to immediately come out of the room, afraid. But he didn't. So I waited a few minutes and then when it kept going I went to check on him. He was laying straight and stiff on the floor (well, he was "sleeping" on a little comforter on the floor- his choice) holding blue puppy, with big tears streaming out of his eyes. I asked him if he was scared and did he want to get up with me and he said (in between little sobs) "I'm not scared Mommy. Blue puppy is scared" He sat on my lap and kept saying (in between crying) "it's ok, blue, it's ok. it's just a noise it won't hurt you". It was so sad but sweet. He has been getting better about noises but this one really was awful. It took him awhile to recover. But also demonstrated his projection of his feelings onto someone (or something) else. Is this normal? I have no idea, but he is funny about his feelings. Hopefully he will learn to express them as his own one of these days. It is funny though how even at such a young age it is our natural instinct to want to hide difficult feelings or not admit them.

One day at a time

We are plugging along here without Chris, but doing fine overall. We have had a couple of quiet days at home, which I think were needed after all our travel and Chris being gone. We went to the library today. We had not been there in over a month- maybe 6 weeks or more. It is always a bit of a challenge to help Austin find books or read to him while Bennett is running around pulling books from shelves and leaving wreckage behind him. Fortunately, he is cute and outgoing and eventually someone who works there will entertain him for a bit so I can help Austin. We also actually played outside today. I was hopeful for the first time that maybe spring is actually coming. While there is still snow on the ground and it is definitely chilly- it seemed warmer today. And we actually hear birds chirping a lot when we go outside. Bennett now likes to run around and loves sliding and climbing up the jungle gym.

Chris landed safely in Toronto, but the flight left late from here, so landed late and he missed the last flight out to NYC. So they put him up in a nice hotel and he will hopefully get there around 10:30 am Wednesday morning (US time). He won't miss anything with the delay, so that is good. We have already SKYPEd with him once. Austin has funny ways of expressing his more negative emotions...usually with denial. He got so excited to SKYPE, but then barely talked to Chris. This afternoon he was a little weepy and easily upset and I asked him if he missed Daddy. He got teary and a little quaver in his voice as he said "I don't miss him. I don't miss Daddy" But of course he does, especially after so much quality time last week. We think Austin's love language is quality time...he really likes a lot of time with us.

Well, I am off to bed.

March 1

Does anyone remember my November 1 post? I do. It snowed. On November 1 it was cold (the heat had not been turned on yet) but fun to see our first snow. HOWEVER, it is now March 1. And it snowed. To this southerner, March and snow should not be in the same sentence. However, despite the fact that yesterday ended the Spring Festival, spring is nowhere in sight. And the heat gets turned off on March 15. In fact, I think they have started to turn it down already, because on sunny day I wear a T shirt in the house, but today I had on 2 pants layers and 3 shirt layers and was still slightly chilly in the house (there was no sun, but still).

We sent Chris off early this morning. He is in town tonight at an overnight retreat, but we won't see him again till March 9. Austin and I made a countdown paper chain today. It is nine links of construction paper and on each link I wrote down something Austin likes about Daddy. I didn't think he would think of all of them, but he almost did. It is a good visual for the boys (well, mainly Austin) to take one off every day until Daddy gets home. My first day of being a single parent went pretty well, except for some coinciding major meltdowns around the magic hour of 5 pm. Hopefully I will sleep well tonight...I never sleep as well when Chris is gone.

Here is hoping spring comes soon!